Thoughts on Becoming Anew
It’s been a while…
And now it’s time for me to reflect—and provide an excuse for my lack of presence.
From Iowa to California
A year ago, my husband Jerome accepted a position in Fresno, California (USA). For the first time in my life, I wasn’t a full-time Midwesterner. The experience has been a blessing, a challenge, and eye-opening in so many ways. The beauty of living in a valley surrounded by mountains is like a dream. Corn fields are now orchards, the horizon more diverse as the mountains morph with the seasons. And palm trees! It’s as if we’re driving through a movie set. As someone who is inspired by vibrant colors, I can’t get enough of the blossoming trees and flowers. These were taken in February!
Living in a new place, while full of adventure and opportunity, underscores the importance of family and friendship. I miss my people.
But I’ve been lucky. I’ve been traveling back to Iowa every month for my learning design position at Drake University, which I love. Though my time there is compressed and exhausting, the routine has kept me grounded and given me time to foster personal growth. When traveling on the weekends, I spend the full day focused on Confetti Dreamers, scribbling down goals, outlines, and mind maps.
Doing hard things
A couple weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to attend a two-day Launch Lab experience through Mastermind, a company that helps entrepreneurs build knowledge-based businesses. The opportunity was beyond incredible…yet oh so challenging. As an Autistic person, everything felt BIG. The lights. The sound. The process. The pace. The self-imposed expectations. My nervous system was delicate, and I had a meltdown when receiving feedback on a sliver of the project that I thought was ‘done.’ The logical side of me knows that rejection sensitivity is very real for Autistic people, which is why I couldn’t hold it together. Despite feeling embarrassed, I leaned into the feeling. And then I moved on. I had to because I was about to record an interview in their multi-million dollar recording studio. And this is where I started to feel a shift…
I was interviewed by Brooks Moore, an eight-time Emmy Award-winning Producer and Director, and voice behind “How It’s Made.” How cool is that?! During our informal conversation beforehand, he asked just the right questions to help me move from a place of fear to my passion—which is to help women unmask their true colors so they can live their best lives. I want others to experience the sense of peace I finally found at 54. And you know what? The interview ended up not being as scary as I thought it would be…and I can’t wait to share it with you when it’s ready.
“Blooming”
Near the end of the two-day experience, I was surprised to receive an award for “Blooming.” They had noticed my transition from being in my head to speaking from my heart. I felt seen. Receiving the award meant I had to go up front for a photo opp. The emotions and thoughts running through my head made it hard for me to be present at that moment, but the experience was pivotal. At first, the award felt comparable to the “most improved” award I received in high school track…like it somehow wasn’t as meaningful because I wasn’t “the best.” But growth is so important. And it’s why I love my job. I’m a lifelong learner, and I want to help others learn, too.
Signs of Spring
And here I am. Two weeks have passed, and I keep seeing signs that solidify my decision to continue forward. Perhaps you will find these messages helpful, too.
- After apologizing to someone at Mastermind for my emotions, she shared this sentence with me: “One difficult moment does not define your journey or your potential — it’s simply part of the process of becoming.”
- I found this bookmark from my dear friend Carla who visited Italy: “Remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like all others [are unique].”
- A reel from Yang Mun popped up in my social media: “Be patient when you’re becoming someone you’ve never been.”
- And finally, this Advice from a Wildflower bookmark from Colorado a couple summers ago: “It’s OK to be a Late Bloomer.”
Sometimes I question why I’m on this mission that requires so much dedication. It’s because in my heart, I know I can make a difference.
I can’t wait to put the final touches on my online course, Living Authentically Through Color, to share with YOU and others.
When each one of us blooms where we are planted, the world becomes a beautiful place.
May you find moments of peace and ‘becoming’ today.
Your friend,
Shannon